I'm frustrated. But I guess this entry could get spit back in my face... so whatever, I'll let it drop there. And like, now because I failed to satisfy him, he's not going to try it again, and is just going to let it ferment in his head and end up cheating on me with a gay man. So I guess ultimately I failed myself tonight, in trying to make something true that wasn't. I guess that doesn't make sense, the whole thing is poorly defined and writing about it is pointless. Figures. Mother-fucking figures. I want to walk into traffic. < / sensationalism> Edit like 15 mins later: He's passed out, I want to go to the bar down the street. REALLY want to. I've had about 4 glasses of wine, but I want MORE. I know that's not Ok, I am just mad. N/M, this was stupid. Like, last night we had a really bad fight; as in he was walking out with his things to go to his (insert southern fat black woman accent) mamma's house. I walked to the bar but it was past selling time, some fucker in a Suv honked at me, one guy offered to pay the bartender double, but I said "Oh it's ok" and left to come back to find Adam packing the car. I really like him but when we've been drinking the worst of our insecurities surface to the top and become our glasses. Right now I still wanna go get more drunk

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